Quinoa, red pepper and cucumber salad with avocado and lime

I got this recipe from The Yoga Journal which I have been reading for a couple of years now.. I love that magazine! This sounded really good and was pretty delicious and filling on a hot summer day so I thought I would share!

• 1 cup quinoa
• 1 garlic clove, pounded to as smooth as you can with a dash of sea salt
• 1 large shallot finely diced ( I dice everything in my food processor!)
• 1 jalapeno seeded and finely diced
• 3 1/2 tblsp fresh lime juice (Basically one small lime)
• 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 medium red pepper seeded and diced (If you dice this in your food processor, it will become slightly liquidy.. that is not a bad thing just make sure to stop there!)
• 1 medium cucumber diced
• 1/2 cup roughly chopped fresh cilantro
• 2-3 ripe avocados

Place 2 cups of water in a pot with the quinoa and bring to a boil.. once it starts to boil, lower heat and allow to simmer for about 10-15 minutes or until the water is gone. Set aside and allow to cool for a couple of hours. This part can also be done the night before and refridgerated.

Put the garlic, shallot, jalapeno, and lime juice in a small bowl. Season wtih salt and stir to combine. Let this sit for about 10 minutes and then add 1/2 cup olive oil and whisk to combine. Put the cooled quinoa, red pepper, cucumber and chopped cilantro in a medium bowl. Drizzle about half of the vinaigrette that you just made on top and gently combine. Slice the avocados and arrange along the sides of the salad and drizzle as much as desired of the vinaigrette on top! Enjoy!!

Spinach Artichoke Dip

Remember when this blog used to have recipes?! The thought of prep work lately is enough to make me want to take a nap. So due to the lack of energy, there has been a lack of cooking in my kitchen, which never makes me happy. So Ladies and Gentlemen.. where there is a will there is a way! The way is my lovely crockpot. I personally feel that every person in the world should own one.. so my crockpot may just become my right hand and ease me back into the cooking world once again!

Being vegan is a lot of fun, BUT I won't lie I do miss one thing.. spinach artichoke dip.. there is nothing like a creamy cheesy dip on a piece of toast.. so here is my veganized version that is ten times better than any spin dip I had before.. and it's easy!

You will need:

• 10oz of baby spinach (about 2 cups)
• 1 can of quartered artichoke hearts NOT marinated
• 1 clove of garlic minced
• 1 small onion minced (finely finely diced)
• a splash of liquid smoke
• olive oil for the skillet (about 2 tablespoons)
• 1/4 tsp paprika
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• a DASH of water
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1 recipe of cashew sour cream
• combine 3/4 cups cashews
• juice of about half a lemon
• 1/2 cup of water
• Put this all in food processor and puree until combined and creamy

Oil the crockpot a little bit with spray oil.. I prefer spray olive oil or spray canola oil. Put all of the ingredients in your handy crockpot and mix well... set your crockpot to medium and allow it to work it's thing for about 45 minutes to an hour. If you have an older crockpot and you can't choose your setting, it will automatically be on low.. so leave it for about 1 and a half hours to 2 hours. This is perfect the way it is, but if you would like to add your vegan cheese of choice, feel free to play! You can't go wrong!

If you are using this recipe to put over pasta like I did, then just dump the can of artichoke hearts in the crock pot.. if you want to use it more as a dip, spoon out the artichoke hearts and add about half of the liquid that is in the can.

Enjoy!!

How Am I Feeling?

I am asked a lot how I am feeling. How am I holding up and how do I stay so positive. My answer is always good, or because I pray. These answers sum it up quite well and create a conversation that takes a new direction. I am good, because of my support and the fact that I am alive. I am positive because I pray a lot and ask God to speak through me and help me on my path that I hope is very long.

The truth is, I feel a multitude of emotions at once and some that I never thought I had the ability to feel. So to answer your question, how am I feeling?

I feel joyous to be alive and to wake up to my family each morning. I feel confused because I did everything "right." I feel Optimistic because I am a positive person by nature. I am bitter to all of the young couples who get to choose how many children they want in their family. I feel grateful that my life has never gone as planned and for that reason I am a mom and a wife! Sometimes I feel beyond terrified at the chance that this might come back and I will have to find this strength all over again. I feel thankful that millions of women have already done this and that 50 year survivors are not that rare. I feel empowered that each year over 192,000 women will enter my shoes and do and feel the same EXACT feelings that I feel right now. I feel mad that I had such beautiful hair and now it's gone. I feel sick of being sick and just want to be a normal 24 year old. Sometimes I feel devastated that I can hear my daughter in the living room crying and know exactly what she wants and can't do anything about it when I am feeling sick. I am more than grateful that my mother-in-law's life has allowed her to help my famiy in these times, and I try really hard to not let my anger of not always being able to be there for Cambria, overshadow just how amazing I think Sue is as a woman. Her love is more than I could imagine anyone loving a person, and because of that love my family experiences no kinks no matter how I feel that day, she is always there to pick up where I left off Willingly.Before my surgery and during recovery, my father-in-law and mother-in-law Penny, housed Cambria and I, bringing me breakfast every morning and caring 24/7 for Cambria so that all I had to do was heal. My parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins were always too eager to visit and brightened my day no matter which emotion I was feeling that day. Often times I am jealous, that others get to laugh and play with Cambria when I physically just do not have the energy, but know that that is where I want to be. I know I won't get that time back.

I feel selfish for feeling all of these emotions. For taking for granted what I do have. Family that is here for all of us and instead of spending their free time watching The Housewives of Orange County, are planning a benefit in my honor to take away any financial pressure we are feeling, friends to cheer me on, a live-in caregiver. A husband who tells me everyday that I am beautiful. The fact that I even have one child period. I feel selfish because I have such a great chance at this never coming back, and it has never been a question of life or death in my case. I sometimes ask God how I dodged a bullet. Thanking Him for containing my cancer as much as He did and making it operable. I have never laughed so hard, cried to the point that my chest hurt, and shook so much in my life as I have the past month. I feel gratitude for the doctors and nurses who are passionate about what they do, and because of that I am receiving the best care possible. I am thankful for modern medicine as well as complementary medicine and its overwhelming data.

Life is not ours.. it just isn't. All of these feelings are what makes me human. So when people tell me that I have inspired them by my strength, I am always puzzled. Touched, but puzzled. I am no stronger than anyone else who would be in my situation. I am strong because I know what I am fighting and I know God is with me in this. This is bigger than I am and that in itself was a realization. If nothing else, this has been humbling to me. I no longer expect to see Cambria leave for her first dance, or walk down the isle. I don't even expect to see her kiss me goodbye for her first day of kindergarten. No.. these are not our moments that we just get. These are blessings and I will not take a damn thing for granted. So by realizing exactly how I feel, I am able to turn that jealousy into ability. I am able to be thankful that I have vision and can watch Cambria play. I am thankful that my family is here and my mother-in-law knows my daughter so well that she can get her to laugh just as hard as I can. I am thankful that my husband could care less if we have matching hair cuts. I am thankful that I have NEVER taken life seriously and my fallback defense to anything is humor. Life and it's moments are NOT just something we get. Growing old is not a burden, it is a blessing and I hope to have wrinkles one day! haha.

So when you ask me this, this is exactly how I feel. I read my facebook responses and motivational quotes all of the time for reassurance. The amount of beautiful souls that have entered my life is such an overwhelming feeling I cannot put it in words. So this is how I am feeling.. this is how I am doing.. and this is how I am staying so damn positive!

Let the battle begin!

I disappeared for a while becuase sometimes that is just easier. As most of you will find it odd that I am so open about my medical information, let me reassure you that it is oddly therapeutic for me. When I write it down, and constantly repeat it, I can't escape it. I can't run away. I didn't post about my last doctor visit becuase to be quite blunt and honest, it scared the shit out of me! Today I had another Dr. appointment and I feel that I owe to all of you who have been praying for me and been along on this fight by my side. And as I said before, this is good therapy for me!

I learned that with my stage of cancer, there is a 98% chance that it will come back. With all of the treatment I will be going through, my chance of reaccurance is lowered to 60%, which is amazing. I believe that I can be in that 40% bracket. I also learned that my chances of having children again are very slim to none. My fertility may return, but getting pregnant again is just asking for trouble, since my cancer was estrogen fed. This hit me like a Mack truck.. as if having my boobs removed wasn't enough, I had this to deal with too. I sat back and started feeling like a spoiled brat. "BUT YOU ARE ALIVE KASEY! YOU HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE AND DAMN GOOD ONE!" So shut up.. I sat with my daughter and realized that I already have a biological child, and what a perfect one she is. If you get right the first time, why mess it up? As Cami was sitting on my lap, blowing me kisses, I thought about someone not wanting her. I couldn't imagine someone not wanting my little angel and how awful it must feel to have to give your child away. All of a sudden, I came to terms with adoption, and how much it would mean to me to raise a little baby, and love him/her when no one else could. All of a sudden, life seemed right again. Cambria will have siblings, I get to live that much longer, and I am surrounded by everything I could possibly want or need.

Thursday at 9:15am, I will walk in to the Chemo Bay and have my first treatment. I will receive 4 dose dense treatments throughout the next 8 weeks. After those 8 weeks, I will be going in everyday, Monday through Friday for 6 weeks to receive my radiation treatments. Following that, I will be on a drug for the next 5 years of my life. My first thought? I get to have 5 more years!! Funny how your life switches gears. My side effects and symptoms are long for all the drugs I am about to take. At this point, I am willing to do anything to be here to see my daughter off to Kindergarten, to see my husband be promoted.. and so on. I used to look at people in their 80s and think, "oh man I don't ever want to get old!" Now when I see a healthy woman walk by or an old man with a cane, I think "How lucky they are to have so much time here.. I can only hope to be that lucky."

This treatment is going to knock my socks off. It will leave me feeling sad, ugly, emotional, happy, grateful, tired, alive, hopeful and all of the above. I know that with the amount of support I have, my medical team and God I will make it through. I will help someone and I will be on a new life track.. one that I have no control over and I will be perfectly fine with that. All we have is right now, and for the first time I feel that statement throughout every part of me. I will fight. I will win.

"And the only solution was to stand and fight,
And my body was bruised and
I was set alight,
But you came over me like some holy rite,
And although I was burning,
You're the only light
Only if for a night" - Florence + the Machine

Today.

I always feel good when I leave yoga. I think that is kind of the point. My last class, we meditated for a while and was guided to a place that made us happy. I, unlike the last meditation trip I took, ended up in a green field. Tall grass, bare toes.. just open! I had to find a ladder in my meditation which led me to a tree house. The ladder was tall and eventually would land me to a wood platform which was the floor of my tree house. Half way up that ladder, I was led to a tight rope. It was straight out, and never ended.. there was no other attachment to this rope, except for my ladder. I was told to place all of my loved ones underneath the tight rope, that showed me support and hope. I was told that I would be surprised by some of the people I saw under there, and indeed I was! I was then asked to walk across the tight rope and stop in the middle. I had to make a choice.. do I fly away with my loved ones under my wings? Or do I fall and accept support from them? I tried to manipulate this outcome, as I found flying to be much more fun and sound so much stronger! But despite my hardest efforts, I fell into the arms of my loved ones and embraced them. It is amazing how life hands you little hints about where you are heading and what your path has in store for you. A few days after this meditation session, I had a doctor's appointment. While there, they decided that my "lump" seemed suspicious and immediately did a core needle biopsy. As stern as doctors have to be, their emotions always give them away. Every time the ultrasound tech scanned over the lump in my breast, the surgeon's face dropped. While performing the core needle biopsy (yesterday) I was awake. I closed my eyes, focused on my breathing and went back to my tree house. My mother-in-law was in the hospital room with me and said this was the only time during the whole appointment that I wasn't shaking. Every day I am thankful for my practice and how it helps me in the most unusual ways.

Tomorrow at 12:45pm, my husband and I will find out what the next step is. Whether it is breast cancer or not, I will need surgery. I am human. I am scared. Terrified actually.. but every time I sit down and ask myself why, I come to the same conclusion and this is my internal dialogue..." Kasey, fear is a feeling of the future. No one has the future, all you have is right now. Right now, you are happy. Right now, you are healthy, walking, breathing, blessed. Why are you so scared?" And with a big deep breath, my heart rate goes back to normal! Whether this is another tumor or cancer, I will fight. I don't fly away from my tight rope of life, I fight. I was shown that I have much support and if I just fall into them and face my life head on, it will not defeat me.

Today was fun, TODAY is all we have.. so TODAY I had a sudden urge to dress up my baby girl and go outside! YES its January and YES its cold, but you know what? This is all we have and RIGHT NOW the sun was shining so outside we went! Her eagerness and need for adventure is my drive everyday. If for no other reason, I will fight for her. 7 years ago when I had my first tumor removed, it came very close to paralyzing an entire half of my body. But I fought, and despite what the doctors were SURE OF, I opened my right eye and each day it was easier to do. I slowly regained nerve function, with the help of yoga and my body being young. I fought and here I am today, fully healed! I can do it again and I will.

So, falling isn't so bad.. although flying sounds like way more fun, this is who I am and this is what I need right now. Once again, I am reminded that each day is precious, and you must never stutter to begin that day. I will work harder to fight procrastination, to be more aware of my every day and to always be attentive to the people around me. I am happy I fell from my tight rope, and I am thankful that each day, I am blessed to wake up to my screaming, teething daughter who just wants a "nana" now! I am able to wake up, pick her up, walk down stairs and help her shove her little mouth! Live for today and thank you thank you thank you for the impact you personally, have on my life.

Sincerely with love,

Kasey

My New Year's Solution

Tonight while I was doing my detox flow yoga, I felt myself starting to unwind from all of the holiday tension! I was very moved by the last two minutes as the instructor, Seane Corn, started giving thanks. I decided that these last two minutes of the video is what I want to live my next year by, and gravitate toward making this my every day for the rest of my days here! I thought I would share, and maybe you will be as moved as I was...

"Let's honor our planet by not contributing to the waste and abuse of Her resources. Let's let go of limited beliefs, old habits, and addictions, and open instead to new ideas and information that nourish and inspire our body, mind and spirit. Let's have the courage to regard each other with compassion, respect our own journey with patience, and live every moment with gratitude. Namaste.
Together we give thanks for all the gifts in our life. For the food that we eat, the air that we breathe, and this remarkable planet that supports and sustains us. We ask for the mindfullness to make healthier and more conscious choices and to continue to purify ourselves of the tension, toxins and perceptions that no longer serve our health and happiness. May our hearts open to know love, and let that love guide us in to depths of our deepest joy. May that joy be peace, and may this peace unite the essence of each moment, every breath and all beings as one. Namaste."

HAPPY 2012!!!!

Peppermint Chocolate Chip Cookies

Okay nothing heals like baking, I promise. After making these, I stripped my daughter down to her diaper and we sat on the kitchen floor and ate these. We had a good time, our bellies were full and the floor was a mess. perfect. Here you go, I will do my best to remember measurements but some may need to be adjusted!

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup Earth Balance "butter" or use margarine
• 1 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 Ener-G egg substitute (it is 1 1/2 teaspoons powder + 2 tablespoons water mixed then added to ingredients)
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 cups all purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• about 1/4 - 1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
• 2 tablespoons almond butter
• semi sweet chocolate chips as many as you want!

Preheat oven to 350 and cream sugars and butter together with a fork. Add egg replacer and vanilla extract and mix together with an electric hand mixer. In a separate bowl mix flour, cornstarch, baking soda, baking powder and salt with a spoon. Put the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients and mix with electric mixer. Add the peppermint extract, almond butter and chocolate chips and mix until the almond butter isn't chunky anymore. Form into the size that you want on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for about 8-10 minutes depending on the size of the cookie! Let cool and enjoy!