Today.

I always feel good when I leave yoga. I think that is kind of the point. My last class, we meditated for a while and was guided to a place that made us happy. I, unlike the last meditation trip I took, ended up in a green field. Tall grass, bare toes.. just open! I had to find a ladder in my meditation which led me to a tree house. The ladder was tall and eventually would land me to a wood platform which was the floor of my tree house. Half way up that ladder, I was led to a tight rope. It was straight out, and never ended.. there was no other attachment to this rope, except for my ladder. I was told to place all of my loved ones underneath the tight rope, that showed me support and hope. I was told that I would be surprised by some of the people I saw under there, and indeed I was! I was then asked to walk across the tight rope and stop in the middle. I had to make a choice.. do I fly away with my loved ones under my wings? Or do I fall and accept support from them? I tried to manipulate this outcome, as I found flying to be much more fun and sound so much stronger! But despite my hardest efforts, I fell into the arms of my loved ones and embraced them. It is amazing how life hands you little hints about where you are heading and what your path has in store for you. A few days after this meditation session, I had a doctor's appointment. While there, they decided that my "lump" seemed suspicious and immediately did a core needle biopsy. As stern as doctors have to be, their emotions always give them away. Every time the ultrasound tech scanned over the lump in my breast, the surgeon's face dropped. While performing the core needle biopsy (yesterday) I was awake. I closed my eyes, focused on my breathing and went back to my tree house. My mother-in-law was in the hospital room with me and said this was the only time during the whole appointment that I wasn't shaking. Every day I am thankful for my practice and how it helps me in the most unusual ways.

Tomorrow at 12:45pm, my husband and I will find out what the next step is. Whether it is breast cancer or not, I will need surgery. I am human. I am scared. Terrified actually.. but every time I sit down and ask myself why, I come to the same conclusion and this is my internal dialogue..." Kasey, fear is a feeling of the future. No one has the future, all you have is right now. Right now, you are happy. Right now, you are healthy, walking, breathing, blessed. Why are you so scared?" And with a big deep breath, my heart rate goes back to normal! Whether this is another tumor or cancer, I will fight. I don't fly away from my tight rope of life, I fight. I was shown that I have much support and if I just fall into them and face my life head on, it will not defeat me.

Today was fun, TODAY is all we have.. so TODAY I had a sudden urge to dress up my baby girl and go outside! YES its January and YES its cold, but you know what? This is all we have and RIGHT NOW the sun was shining so outside we went! Her eagerness and need for adventure is my drive everyday. If for no other reason, I will fight for her. 7 years ago when I had my first tumor removed, it came very close to paralyzing an entire half of my body. But I fought, and despite what the doctors were SURE OF, I opened my right eye and each day it was easier to do. I slowly regained nerve function, with the help of yoga and my body being young. I fought and here I am today, fully healed! I can do it again and I will.

So, falling isn't so bad.. although flying sounds like way more fun, this is who I am and this is what I need right now. Once again, I am reminded that each day is precious, and you must never stutter to begin that day. I will work harder to fight procrastination, to be more aware of my every day and to always be attentive to the people around me. I am happy I fell from my tight rope, and I am thankful that each day, I am blessed to wake up to my screaming, teething daughter who just wants a "nana" now! I am able to wake up, pick her up, walk down stairs and help her shove her little mouth! Live for today and thank you thank you thank you for the impact you personally, have on my life.

Sincerely with love,

Kasey